What kind of Groom will you be walking down the aisle with on your big day? A wedding is mostly seen and recognized as the women’s day to shine. Really it is all about the bride, how stunningly fabulous she looks, what dress she is wearing, what her choice of flowers, bridesmaids dresses, decor and menu all are going to be. As a guest, that is one of the exciting things about attending a wedding, seeing all that come together.
But it is fair to say that a wedding in most cases, is perceived as being a one-woman show, but what about the Groom? No-one turns up to see how well he’s groomed his beard that morning, they want to see the Bride’s fabulous up-do.
Does that mean he just turns up on the day, throws on his suit and gets on with proceedings almost as if he is just a bit part in the whole production? Well that will probably be all down to the type of man you are marrying. Is he hands on type of guy or someone whose off on his own planet?
Wedding planning is a monumental task with so many facets and so many details to get right, that it’s really not very often that any guests would associate the groom having anything to do with it all. It’s probably true in some cases that some wedding are completely planned and organised by the bride alone, but for other couples, it is a joint effort.
So which Groom will you be saying “I do” to?
You would immediately think that this would be the most annoying type of person to go into planning a wedding with.
Truth is, some men could care less whether your pick posies or pansies and primroses for your bouquet. Chocolate cake or vanilla? Whatever. It’s just not in them to really have certain things be an issue on their radar.
This type of Groom is just going to generally be blase about everything and as long as he turns up for his suit fitting, which is probably being picked out by the bride and manages to get his bachelor night nailed, then he’s happy.
Don’t make the assumption that his lack of interest means that he doesn’t really want to get married. He does, probably not without all the stress of planning so many things. But it can leave the Bride swimming upstream a bit with the amount of work left on her shoulders.
It could be a pretty exhausting thing trying to pull opinions out of this type of Groom about the wedding. But find the positive in this.
Tip: For some brides, a hands-off approach from their man is not a bad thing at all really. Why? Because some Brides like to take full control anyway, and it’s better if your man stays away from the planning if he wants to work in his favorite old beaten up snake-skin jacket to your elegant affair.
Some brides know exactly what they want and are happy to plow ahead and create their own dream wedding on their own. It may end up being far easier to do if she is set to walk down the aisle with someone who has no opinion on what particular silhouette of a dress she is wearing or whether it’s held on a farm or on the beach.
This is a difficult guy to handle. This is the type of man who will sit down with you and pretty much yes to you death over your decisions.
He will probably be happy enough to play his part, sit down with you and look through wedding magazine, browse the stores with you and if he sees you excited about a decision, that will just pretty much make up his mind for him.
You on Monday: I think I’ll go for an ivory dress, what do you think?
Him: That sounds great.
You on Tuesday: No, I think I’ll go back to my original choice of white. Is that OK?
Him: Of course, I like white.
This is the Mr Inbetweener on things. He is not carrying such a strong couldn’t-care-less attitude to blow you off completely, he will get involved but isn’t someone who really has a strong opinion on things, or if he does, he probably wouldn’t voice them anyway.
Why? Because he probably just wants you to have everything that you want on your special day (which is kind of sweet), even if it’s not 100% his taste. This is something that could be infuriating for a bride who really wants that input, but at the same time, it offers her a little more wiggle room to have things her way than being with someone who is firmly opinionated.
He would basically be pretty happy with whatever you choose at the end of day, even if he’s not entirely happy. He probably just wants to get down the aisle and get the ceremony done.
Tip: Mr Inbetweener can be a difficult one to handle, but here’s a tip. Find a couple of areas where you really don’t mind either Option A or Option B. Then dump them both on his lap and ask him to pick one because you don’t have time to do so while you run off for bottomless mimosas for a couple of hours. That way you can empower him to make a decision and you will be happy with whichever.
Mr Equal Opportunist
Some Grooms out there know what they want at their wedding and will play a full role in making sure that happens.
If the bride has picked out the dress that she wants then he is going to make darned sure that he gets to wear his orange cravat.
If she is going for Sauvignon Blanc, then he’s bringing his home-brewed beers to the celebration. That’s him, this is someone who knows his taste and he wants those parts of himself to be input into the wedding.
You will find a lot of compromising going on with this type of Groom throughout the entire planning. From the location of the wedding to the guest list, to the menu, he will be there having an input which is fantastic.
This may be the Holy Grail of Grooms for most women because he is being assertive enough to make sure that he stands as an equal alongside you and that his opinions and respected and his compromised choices come to fruition. This is man and woman, Bride and Groom, together.
Tip: There’s nothing really to tweak other than coming to a roadblock where he wants something that you just don’t want to see at your wedding. It’ll take all of your compromising negotiating skills at times.
The name says it all. This is someone who wants to control everything and forgets about the input from the Bride. Maybe you have been browsing around a bridal dress shop and seen that one man, arms folded, foot impatiently tapping the floor saying “No, that’s too sexy,” then two minutes later “No, that’s not sexy enough” to his bride-to-be who is trying on dresses.
This is the micromanager who has a hard time letting go and isn’t afraid to give an opinion over what should be going down at the wedding. “No, we’re not having an open bar, the guests need to pay their way” you will hear from this type of Groom who will be happy put their foot down and not budge.
This isn’t a compromiser, this isn’t someone who just wants to get married, he wants to control the full production. Yes, you can probably hear the theme tune rising now… “Up from the depths, 30 stories high, breathing fire, his head in the clouds, GROOMZILLA duh duh duh duh, GROOMZILLA” playing in your head.*
Tip: Yes, the Groomzilla exists. If you are having a hard time with a Groomzilla, then here’s a tip, distract them by asking them to do tasks that suddenly seem crucially important, like making sure the save the date invitations are scheduled and seating plans are arranged. Give specific things that you are happy about not having to do, leaving you wiggle room and time to go off and discuss plans with your hair and makeup person in peace and call the bakery and pick the flavor for the final layer of cake!
*(Google the Godzilla Hanna-Barbera cartoon series if you want a reference on that)